By Josh Bell
Just over a month ago, I spoke to one of my spiritual advisors. She made an interesting comment about my energy. She said that it almost felt like my Kundalini energy started from the crown and moved down instead of the way people talk about experiencing the energy rising up from the spine to the crown. She used the words “reversed kundalini awakening”. I honestly didn’t think too much of it, and even as I worked with other people it didn’t come as anything to worry about or really investigate. I figured the answers would pop up when they did, or like most things, I’d investigate when the thought came up to do so. Well, I investigated, and as I read up on “reverse kundalini,” I cried bullshit.
Let‘s backtrack a little bit, I didn’t REALLY know what a kundalini awakening was when I opted to look up what it would mean in reverse. And even with a couple hours researching it, I am not expert. Let me define what I learned for others making this journey up as they go along, or those who know what they’re doing and may want to know more.
Kundalini Energy is a creative life force energy that everyone has stored at the base of their spine. It’s a feminine energy that when awakened will climb up the spine and empower your seven chakras before reaching the crown and connecting you with the higher dimensions, and unity consciousness. From what I read, it is a great connected feeling better than a drug trip. I have not experienced this. (I mean the Kundalini Awakening, not the drug trip).
I knew a bit about the chakras beforehand. I’m gunna rush through them quick. The Root Chakra was about security. The Sacral Chakra was about sex and creativity. The Solar Plexus Chakra represented confidence and willpower. The Heart was an easy one about love. Throat too was simple enough about communication. Psychic abilities and intuition happened at the Third Eye Chakra, bringing us to the final Chakra that connects us to Source energy, the Crown. Kundalini was set to activate them all if done right!
I very quickly found out anal sex was not the “right” way to go about it. I should say, I didn’t go in-depth reading into “gay sex is bad” posts, and am writing the jist of what I read. Apparently using anal intercourse for Kundalini Awakenings were frowned upon in most ancient texts. (Not surprising. Ancient Homophobia). It also, however, could bring about a reverse Kundalini experience which was horrifying.
Instead of enlightenment, these posts said it could bring on what equates to a bad drug trip. Nightmares. Horrible waking visions. It could drain you or make you sick. All from anal sex! This was the first eye roll. The second was when I read about what sexuality had to do with it.
Now, the Kundalini energy is female energy called Shakti. When it rises to the crown, it meets Shiva. Their union brings about the awakening. Why can’t gay men have a Kundalini Awakening? The intercourse. That is, of course, with two men. BULLSHIT.
I believe, energetically speaking, we all embody male and female energy. Creating and finding the balance in ourselves, allow us to be fully realized humans. I would even go so far to say there may even be a neutral energy balanced energy that we strive for. The queer and trans community are proof of these differing levels of masculine, feminine, and balanced energy.
I am going to go off on a bit of a tangent here, but bear with me, it’ll come back to where it needs to be.
When I was first coming out, way back in 2005, unbeknownst to me, was my first revelation about spirituality and homosexuality. It would take me nearly 12 years to find the compliment, and another 3 before I write it here. I read the book, the Elusive Embrace: Desire and the Riddle of Identity by Daniel Mendelsohn.
“A reflection is irresistible because it is a paradox: an opposite that is the same, an other that is also clearly your self” (25).
“All straight men who have engaged in the physical act of love know what it is like to penetrate a partner during intercourse, to be inside the other; all women who have had intercourse know what it is like to be penetrated, to have the other be inside oneself. But the gay man, in the very moment that he is either penetrating or being penetrated by him, knows exactly what his partner is feeling and experiencing even as he himself has his own experience of exactly the opposite, the complementary act. Sex between men dissolves otherness into sameness [...] in a perfect suspension; there is nothing that either party doesn’t know about the other. If the emotional aim of intercourse is a total knowing of the other, gay sex may be, in its own way, perfect, because in it, a total knowledge of the other’s experience is, finally, possible. But since the object of that knowledge is already wholly known to each of the parties, the act is also, in a way, redundant. Perhaps it is for this reason that so may of us keep seeking repetition, as if depth were impossible” (73-74).
After that minor ramble, we get to the point Mendelsohn made that on some level let me know that personally and spiritually, being gay was not only okay but just as sacred as being straight.
See, I told you it had a point! Even the way Mendelsohn writes about gay sex creates this spiritual air about it. He uses words like “dissolves” and “knowing” which bring us right back to Kundalini Awakening and creating a union between the masculine and feminine. I do not know exactly about lesbian sex outside of the illogical porn videos I watched when. pretending to be heterosexual, but I do believe the experience would be the same for two women or even a man and woman with some extra equipment. Anyone.
The final piece of the puzzle outside of the energy, for me, came from Alan Moore’s Promethea comic. The best part about this is the scene is it happened between a male and a female, but Alan Moore describes sex symbolically. As I read it, I saw the symbols for not only what they were, but what they could be. The symbolic aspect of sex that plays into the mystical and spiritual.
Women in the past represented solely the feminine. Their genitalia represents cups and water. Males tended to represent only the masculine with their penis represent wands and fire. The act of sex creates the sun-powered fire of will penetrating moon-flowing water of mystery.
Gay men can represent both. As I wrote before, we have both male and female energies. We both penetrate and are penetrated. We represent both the wand and the cup in these ritualistic aspects. There is a “completeness” that can come from it, almost identically to the “completeness” a heterosexual couple would have. The possibility of “creating” is different in both aspects as well, but in a modern era, the creation two individuals have together is truly up to them regardless of sexuality. Sex isn’t just about procreation.
I see the Kundalini Awakening like all spirituality as a personal and unifying experience. Even those so-called “reverse Kundalini” experiences can act as guides to further us on our journey with their lessons of patience, awareness, and self-knowing. And as horrible as it seems, like all shadow work, it’s shedding light on it that brings on the transformation progression.
Spirituality is for everyone. The sex, gender, and sexuality of each and every being has their place within it. This is what rings true to me, and what I wanted to share with you all today. I wish you well on your journey.
If you would like to read either one of the books mentioned in this post, you can find Daniel Mendelsohn's The Elusive Embrace: The Desire and Riddle of Identity and Alan Moore's Promethea on Amazon by clicking on their respective titles.